Hello again
Go away
Awww, what's the matter? Didn't you miss me?
No, now fuck off. I'm not in the mood.
Really? I'm pretty sure I'm here because of your mood.
.....
Why don't you just face facts. You'll never be rid of me.
Really? I'm pretty sure I've gotten rid of you before.
No, you have simply pushed me down, hidden me under other emotions, but you have never truly gotten rid of me. Every time your happy, I'm there in the back of your mind, telling you to be on your guard. Every time you lay your head down you hear my whispers. Face it, you missed me. No matter what happens, I've always been there. Your more comfortable in my arms than even your wife's.
It isn't that I am comfortable around you, quit the opposite in fact. Its just that...
What? That its easier? Easier to hide behind me than actually go out and fight? Easier to blame your failings on me rather than face up to them like a man? Let's be real here, I'm you, or at least a part of you. I know the parts of you hidden from the rest of the world, hell I know what you aren't writing on here now.
So?
So? So! So I know that you really think that this is simply a way to whine, and you hate yourself an little more for even writing these words. I know that really deep down all you want is for someone to pay you in the head and say its OK. Its OK to hide, to not engage with the rest of the world, to ignore your family and hide in a screen because its easier. Your weak, and you know it. Sure, you say you'll change, but how many times have you said that? How many times have you pushed me down? And yet I always come back, and you welcome it.
I hate you.
I know you do, and you know what? That's what gives me my power. You know how to get rid of me for good, and yet you don't. Now why is that?
You know what? Your absolutely right. I can't get rid of you. I have tried dam near everything, and yet here you are. But I think I have found a way to accept you. After all, your a part of me, and as much as I hate you, in the end I am only hating myself, which only makes you stronger. And your wrong. This situation isn't as hopeless as you make it seem. I am not unique, hell I'm not even all that special. There have been countless instances of people who were just like me, people who were worse off than me by in measurable amounts, and they came through. They survived, they got over you and they were better for it.
But they aren't you, and you don't have what it takes.
I'm 28 years old, I'm still standing, and you haven't beaten me yet.
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Saturday, February 7, 2015
100 Words
"You can't go down. You can only go up"
These words rang in the boys head as he swallowed nervously. Wasn't it enough that he was outside today? He didn't want to do too much too quickly, it would ruin the experience. Right, that was it. It wasn't that he was afraid, it was just the fact that he didn't want any of the experiences over too soon; once a person lived out all their experiences, what was the point in life?
The man clicked, and looked at him again, "It's time," he said. The boy shook his head, "that's enough for today, lets go back inside." The man simply stood there, waiting. "I did what you asked," the boy said, whimpering a little, "I left my room, I'm outside. I haven't been outside in years. That's a big step for someone like me, lets call it good for now. The tree will still be here tomorrow, lets do it tomorrow." The man was granite, he would not be moved.
"What more do you want from me?" The boy cried, tears were beginning to fall now. " You took my toys, you took my books, the only thing left in my room is a bed and clothes. You said I could get them back if I came outside with you. Well congratulations, I'm outside. Now I want my stuff back." "Really?" the man asked, "I don't think you do. I think you would rather spend the rest of your life inside that room. No toys, no books, nothing but a bed and some clothes to keep you company. I think that you would love to have just the basics for the rest of your life. No real experiences, no real happiness, just the same boring routine day after day after day." The boy just glowered. "Thats the kind of life you are headed for now. If you stay in that room, if you don't try and push yourself, if your afraid of what might happen, that's the kind of life you will have. Or you can fight it. You can take a chance, make mistakes, get dirty, and in the end you might just have a life worth living." The man smiled, he knew he had reached the boy, he had been practicing that speech in his head on the way over, and it had gone perfectly.
"But I don't wanna" the boy whined.
The man sighed, 'plan b,' he thought. "I'll give you $5 if you climb up to the first branch." "Really? All I got to do is climb up to the first branch, and I get $5?"
"Yes."
The boy grinned, thinking about all the different ways he could spend the money. "Ok, what do I got to do?"
The man let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. The easy part was over with , now the real work would begin. "Just click like I showed you. Listen to the vibrations. Find the tree." The boy swung his head back and forth, clicking away. "That's too much, you'll get too much interference that way." The boy nodded, now he was just clicking intermittently. "I...I think I found it." "Good, now walk towards it." The boy did as he was told, hands outstretched, clicking with every hesitant step. When the tree was right in front of him the boy looked up. It was a big thick oak tree, and it was very, very tall. The boy grasped its thick rough bark and tried to put his arms around it. They got maybe halfway. He looked back "just to the first branch right?" The man nodded "to get the money, yes. Look up," he continued, "there is a branch right above your head. Do you see it?" The boy made a face at the poor wording, but he looked up and clicked anyway. He could vaguely sense a space in front of him that seemed to be occupied. He tentatively reached up and felt for the mass. It felt like a branch, thick and gnarled and easy enough to pull himself up on. 'Easiest $5 I ever made,' he thought grasping the branch with both hands. He jumped, pulling himself up. After a few minutes of huffing and puffing, and one scary moment when he thought he would tumble off the other side, the boy finally sat atop the branch. "I did it!" he exclaimed. The man laughed "Excellent! Now, go higher."
That wiped the smile off the boys face. "w-w-What?" he stammered "you said all I had to do was get on this branch." "No," the man's voice had turned back into stone, "I said if you climbed the first branch I would give you $5. Now that your on the tree you have to keep climbing." "No I don't, I can just jump off." "Fine, jump off, but don't blame me when you get hurt." That froze the boy cold, "you wont let me get hurt, you'll get in so much trouble if you do." "I might get in a little bit of trouble," the man replied, "but you'll still be the one in pain." "You said you would catch me!" The boy was crying again, tears running down his cheeks. "If you fall, I will catch you." The man said. "If you jump, you will only be hurting yourself. What was one of the first things I said to you when we came here?" "That we were going to climb a tree." the boy sniffed, calming down a little. "After that." "That...that you can't go down. That you can only go up." "Exactly," the man pointed, "now up you go. It's exactly like when you were on the ground, Just click until you find another branch, and pull yourself up. You can do this buddy, you are just making it more difficult than it has to be." The boy swallowed, his eyes dryer but his cheeks still wet with spent tears. He looked up and began clicking. He gasped, unable to believe what his senses were telling him. He wasn't sure what had changed, maybe it was the fear had made his senses extra sharp, or maybe he was just more clear headed, but he could suddenly sense a lot more of what was around him. He could sense that some of the branches were farther away, some were closer, some were fatter and easier to stand on, some were nothing more than twigs. Feeling a growing sense of confidence, the boy reached above him and began to climb.
to be continued
These words rang in the boys head as he swallowed nervously. Wasn't it enough that he was outside today? He didn't want to do too much too quickly, it would ruin the experience. Right, that was it. It wasn't that he was afraid, it was just the fact that he didn't want any of the experiences over too soon; once a person lived out all their experiences, what was the point in life?
The man clicked, and looked at him again, "It's time," he said. The boy shook his head, "that's enough for today, lets go back inside." The man simply stood there, waiting. "I did what you asked," the boy said, whimpering a little, "I left my room, I'm outside. I haven't been outside in years. That's a big step for someone like me, lets call it good for now. The tree will still be here tomorrow, lets do it tomorrow." The man was granite, he would not be moved.
"What more do you want from me?" The boy cried, tears were beginning to fall now. " You took my toys, you took my books, the only thing left in my room is a bed and clothes. You said I could get them back if I came outside with you. Well congratulations, I'm outside. Now I want my stuff back." "Really?" the man asked, "I don't think you do. I think you would rather spend the rest of your life inside that room. No toys, no books, nothing but a bed and some clothes to keep you company. I think that you would love to have just the basics for the rest of your life. No real experiences, no real happiness, just the same boring routine day after day after day." The boy just glowered. "Thats the kind of life you are headed for now. If you stay in that room, if you don't try and push yourself, if your afraid of what might happen, that's the kind of life you will have. Or you can fight it. You can take a chance, make mistakes, get dirty, and in the end you might just have a life worth living." The man smiled, he knew he had reached the boy, he had been practicing that speech in his head on the way over, and it had gone perfectly.
"But I don't wanna" the boy whined.
The man sighed, 'plan b,' he thought. "I'll give you $5 if you climb up to the first branch." "Really? All I got to do is climb up to the first branch, and I get $5?"
"Yes."
The boy grinned, thinking about all the different ways he could spend the money. "Ok, what do I got to do?"
The man let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. The easy part was over with , now the real work would begin. "Just click like I showed you. Listen to the vibrations. Find the tree." The boy swung his head back and forth, clicking away. "That's too much, you'll get too much interference that way." The boy nodded, now he was just clicking intermittently. "I...I think I found it." "Good, now walk towards it." The boy did as he was told, hands outstretched, clicking with every hesitant step. When the tree was right in front of him the boy looked up. It was a big thick oak tree, and it was very, very tall. The boy grasped its thick rough bark and tried to put his arms around it. They got maybe halfway. He looked back "just to the first branch right?" The man nodded "to get the money, yes. Look up," he continued, "there is a branch right above your head. Do you see it?" The boy made a face at the poor wording, but he looked up and clicked anyway. He could vaguely sense a space in front of him that seemed to be occupied. He tentatively reached up and felt for the mass. It felt like a branch, thick and gnarled and easy enough to pull himself up on. 'Easiest $5 I ever made,' he thought grasping the branch with both hands. He jumped, pulling himself up. After a few minutes of huffing and puffing, and one scary moment when he thought he would tumble off the other side, the boy finally sat atop the branch. "I did it!" he exclaimed. The man laughed "Excellent! Now, go higher."
That wiped the smile off the boys face. "w-w-What?" he stammered "you said all I had to do was get on this branch." "No," the man's voice had turned back into stone, "I said if you climbed the first branch I would give you $5. Now that your on the tree you have to keep climbing." "No I don't, I can just jump off." "Fine, jump off, but don't blame me when you get hurt." That froze the boy cold, "you wont let me get hurt, you'll get in so much trouble if you do." "I might get in a little bit of trouble," the man replied, "but you'll still be the one in pain." "You said you would catch me!" The boy was crying again, tears running down his cheeks. "If you fall, I will catch you." The man said. "If you jump, you will only be hurting yourself. What was one of the first things I said to you when we came here?" "That we were going to climb a tree." the boy sniffed, calming down a little. "After that." "That...that you can't go down. That you can only go up." "Exactly," the man pointed, "now up you go. It's exactly like when you were on the ground, Just click until you find another branch, and pull yourself up. You can do this buddy, you are just making it more difficult than it has to be." The boy swallowed, his eyes dryer but his cheeks still wet with spent tears. He looked up and began clicking. He gasped, unable to believe what his senses were telling him. He wasn't sure what had changed, maybe it was the fear had made his senses extra sharp, or maybe he was just more clear headed, but he could suddenly sense a lot more of what was around him. He could sense that some of the branches were farther away, some were closer, some were fatter and easier to stand on, some were nothing more than twigs. Feeling a growing sense of confidence, the boy reached above him and began to climb.
to be continued
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
100 Words
So, I was listing to the radio the other day, and it was all
about resolutions, and how to program (or hack) your brain and get better at
actually completing a resolution. The one that stood out for me (which was
funny, since it was just a side comment really) was that really good authors
say that one of their habits is to write at least 100 words every day. I
decided that I would try this myself, and maybe (finally) add to monkey tales.
The problem is that that was over a week ago, and I am just now getting around
to it. So…yeah, procrastination and I are really close friends. I don’t want to
go off on a tangent about any of this right now, but I do want to lay out a
little bit of ground work. I did make one resolution, and that was to write a
book. So I have decided to take monkey tales in a little bit of a different
direction. Oh, don’t worry, I’m still going to put out some Monkey Tales
stories on occasion, but I am also going to throw in random short story ideas
from time to time as well. And I would really like to be able to do this every
night. So…here we go again.
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Monkey Tales
Monkey Tales
By Paul Cook
Once upon a time, a
long time ago, when the world was not so old, there was a monster.
Now, this monster was not your typical monster; she did not have
sharp fangs or scary claws, she did not try to pop out from under
beds and scare little boys and girls (although sometimes she would
growl at them) in fact some would say she was the prettiest monster
in all the land. But she had a terrible secret; you see, in this land
there were also dragons, and usually monsters and dragons did not
play together. But this monster liked dragons a lot. She liked how
they flew around in the air, she liked how they blew fire in great
burst, she even liked some of the silly games they played. But in
monster land monsters only played with monsters and dragons only
played with dragons. And so this monster would spend her days playing
with the other monsters, but always with one eye towards the sky,
secretly wishing she was up there.
Then one day, along
came a dragon. This dragon was not like other dragons. For one, he
could not fly. Oh sure, he could hover from time to time; which he
would practice in private, far away from prying eyes. He also did not
like to play with the other dragons, he found them too airy for his
taste. He would much rather play with the monsters, they always
seemed to have a lot more fun. There was one monster in particular
that has caught his eye, she was a very pretty monster, and she
seemed like she was always smiling and happy. But the dragon was very
intimidated by this monster, he didn't think that she would ever want
to play with him. And she had a lot of friends, and none of them
seemed to like dragons, so he figured that she did not like dragons
either. And so he would hide in his cave, hovering, watching the
monsters have fun, and wondering when he would be able to fly.
And it so happened
that both the monster and the dragon were friends with a grumpy old
troll. This troll was very mean and grumpy, and does not matter very
much. His only roll in this story is that he introduces the dragon
and the monster. But just remember, he was a very mean and grumpy
troll.
The monster and the
dragon got to know each other, and over the years they became very
good friends. But the monster was sad, she could not find any other
boy monster to play with, and she didn't think that the dragon would
ever want to play with her. But one day she decided that she would
try, she heard about a secret spell that was contained in a special
movie, if you play this movie then any boy that you are with will
kiss you! So she cast the spell, and what do you know, it worked!
From then on the monster and the dragon were inseparable, they played
together all the time, and they kissed a lot too. Also, unbeknownst
to either of them, the dragons wings had slowly begun to grow.
But all was not
right in the land. You see, a long time ago there was these ancient
jungle people who were very smart. They built huge houses that were
made completely out of stone, they could do really hard math and
science problems before a lot of people could add one plus one and
come up with the same answer, some say they even talked to little men
from outer space! Anyway, these jungle people came up with an exact
day the world was going to blow up, and as that day got closer and
closer more and more people got really nervous. The monster and the
dragon were smarter than these sheep, but all this talk made them
take a long hard look at their lives and what they were doing with
it. Now, the monster had always wanted a little monkey to play with,
and since she had finally met a dragon who really really loved her
she wanted to start talking about that little monkey. But the dragon
wasn't so sure. Until he had met the monster he had never wanted
little people of any kind in his life. But after being with her for
so long he knew that his life wouldn't be complete until there was a
little monkey he could play with too. And so, very soon after making
this decision, there was a little monkey swimming around in the
monsters tummy.
They had many grand
adventures getting ready for the coming of the monkey, some of which
I will tell you about one day. But the grandest adventure of all was
the day before and the day of your birth. The day before you were to
come the monster and the dragon got everything ready. They packed up
their clothes, they picked out some of their favorite books to read
so they wouldn't get bored, and the monster picked her favorite
stuffed animal to snuggle with. Then they drove down to a local inn
so that they could be close to the wizards castle, who was going to
help make the little monkey appear. But unbeknownst to them, a storm
was rolling in. When they got to the inn they soon realized that it
was infested with all manner of trolls and goblins and the lowest
forms of life. Even though the dragon was a big, strong dragon, and
the monster had brought along her big strong monster brother, they
still did not feel very safe. And then the power went out. Soon after
they heard reports of cars getting broken into, of the trolls and the
goblins getting into fights, and so they decided that they were going
to leave that inn and find somewhere safer. A blizzard had begun
blowing outside, and the dragon famously said “it doesn't look too
bad.” So they all piled into the carriage, and sped away. What they
didn't know was that they were actually at the edge of the storm, and
as they got closer and closer into town the storm became worse and
worse. The snow became fat and thick and heavy, the wind wooshing it
all around. The sky grew as dark as midnight, and soon they were one
of the few carriages still on the road, which was only because the
dragon had driven roads like this for a very long time and knew
exactly how to handle them. But even still, they didn't know if they
were going to make it. Eventually though, they finally made it to an
inn that was much safer and closer than the one they had been at
before. They checked in and went fell right to sleep.
And then, it was
time. The monster, the dragon, and the monsters little brother all
went to see the wizard in his castle. They were all very nervous and
excited as they made their way up to the castle, they couldn't wait
to see the little monkey! The monster wanted it over and done with
right away, but the wizard said that it was going to take a long time
before the monkey would be here. There were a lot of spells and
rituals he had to do first, and he had to talk to other wizards and
magicians. “So get comfortable,” he said, “your in for a bumpy
ride.” So they all got comfortable, and pretty soon the monsters
mommy was there too! Now it was a real party! There was singing, and
dancing, and telling stories, and lots of good things to eat (for
most of them anyway, the monster wasn't allowed to eat anything but
ice because it would mess up the spells.) But finally, it was time
for the monkey to appear. There was a lot of chanting, a lot of
waving of magical powders and potions, even the monsters younger
brother and mommy started chanting (the dragon just stood there and
held the monsters hand. He had forgotten how to talk) But finally,
after a lot of pushing, the little monkey finally appeared. The
monster thought that he was the most beautiful thing she had ever
seen. His tail was very long and looked super strong, his fur was the
deepest chocolate she had ever seen, his eyes were so blue they
seemed to be filled with diamonds, and his voice sounded like that of
an angel. The dragon thought he looked liked a little old man. Once
they cleaned all the goo off of him, the monster finally got to hold
her little monkey for the first time. Everybody was smiling and
crying and singing all at once, but the little monkey just looked at
the monster. “Hi,” he seemed to be saying, “I've been waiting
for you.” Then the wizard gave the little monkey to the dragon, and
as he held him, his wings got bigger and bigger until he was flying
around the room.
And so that, my
son, is one of the many adventures that we have been on together.
Now, close your eyes and dream, and tomorrow night I'll tell you
about another adventure. Good night, my little monkey, good night.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Introducing Monkey Tales
I am not the author of this blog, and this is probably the first and only time you will hear from me on this blog. My husband, Paul, is the master mind behind "Monkey Tales" and asked me to help introduce it to all of you, so I will do my best to do it justice.
Let me begin with introducing you to the Author and creator of "Monkey Tales". Paul is a creative mind and a wonderful man that I am lucky enough to call my husband. He is also an incredible Dad to our Son Christian who you will fondly get to know as Monkey. His most recent addition to who he is though is Student at the Art Institute. He is studying to be a video game designer and I glow with pride when I talk about it. I am so proud that he is following his dream. So what does all this have to do with "Monkey Tales"? Allow me to explain.
Paul came home from his English class one night and presented me with a strange question. He asked me, "What have we done in our life that not many people do?" I was taken back by this question. I simply asked him, "Why?" He went on to explain to me that he had to write a short story for his English class and he did not want his paper to fall into the predictable crowd. I simply smiled and asked him to let me think about that. A little while later I said, "I have an idea! Why don't you tell the story of the day Monkey was born from the Dad's point of view? No one ever does that!" He smiled at me and said that he liked the idea a lot.
Fast forward a few days. Paul had been working hard on his story and asking me to read it and I laughed as I read his side of the story and how much I didn't know about when he was not in the room with me. I loved it! Then two days before the paper was due Paul came to me panicked. He had let Monkey play with his USB, monkey had lost it and lost with the USB was his story. So he had to write it again. Unknown to me Paul had switched his whole thought process. When he was done he smiled with pride and handed me, "Monkey Tales." I read it and laughed and laughed. I loved it. Paul was telling our story as a bedtime story! It was perfect!
The next day after he turned in the paper I looked at Paul kind of sad. He asked why and I told him I wanted to know more about these Monkey Tales. He smiled and told me he had more to tell. It was then I told him he had to continue writing these stories! They are amazing and people will relate! I suggested this blog, to share with the world his amazing stories.
So it is with a lot of pride and a smile on my face I am honored to introduce to you...
Let me begin with introducing you to the Author and creator of "Monkey Tales". Paul is a creative mind and a wonderful man that I am lucky enough to call my husband. He is also an incredible Dad to our Son Christian who you will fondly get to know as Monkey. His most recent addition to who he is though is Student at the Art Institute. He is studying to be a video game designer and I glow with pride when I talk about it. I am so proud that he is following his dream. So what does all this have to do with "Monkey Tales"? Allow me to explain.
Paul came home from his English class one night and presented me with a strange question. He asked me, "What have we done in our life that not many people do?" I was taken back by this question. I simply asked him, "Why?" He went on to explain to me that he had to write a short story for his English class and he did not want his paper to fall into the predictable crowd. I simply smiled and asked him to let me think about that. A little while later I said, "I have an idea! Why don't you tell the story of the day Monkey was born from the Dad's point of view? No one ever does that!" He smiled at me and said that he liked the idea a lot.
Fast forward a few days. Paul had been working hard on his story and asking me to read it and I laughed as I read his side of the story and how much I didn't know about when he was not in the room with me. I loved it! Then two days before the paper was due Paul came to me panicked. He had let Monkey play with his USB, monkey had lost it and lost with the USB was his story. So he had to write it again. Unknown to me Paul had switched his whole thought process. When he was done he smiled with pride and handed me, "Monkey Tales." I read it and laughed and laughed. I loved it. Paul was telling our story as a bedtime story! It was perfect!
The next day after he turned in the paper I looked at Paul kind of sad. He asked why and I told him I wanted to know more about these Monkey Tales. He smiled and told me he had more to tell. It was then I told him he had to continue writing these stories! They are amazing and people will relate! I suggested this blog, to share with the world his amazing stories.
So it is with a lot of pride and a smile on my face I am honored to introduce to you...
Monkey Tales
By: Paul Cook
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